The Ultimate Corporate Entrepreneur

Moving Beyond Setbacks: My 15-Day Rule

Unfortunately, I missed this year's Grace Hopper Conference where my role as participant and blogger would have been a different hat than the one I wore at last year's event as a workshop leader.

A senior technical leader reminded me of the 15-day rule that I shared during my talk on collaborative risktaking and how it had helped her move beyond setbacks this past year.

She thought it would be helpful for me to layout the process that I use--good idea!--so here it is.

 

My 15-Day Rule

Anyone who's been in business for any length of time has experienced setbacks, and if they say they haven't, they're either lying to you or aren't taking enough risks that make a big enough difference.

Years ago I developed my own plan for getting over setbacks--the kind that make you feel as if someone just punched you in the stomach.

I developed my own rule not because of the initial pain (although bad enough), but because I played it out in my head for days, weeks, and even months later. Internalizing setbacks makes us fearful and way too reluctant to move our lives forward and take risks again.

It doesn't matter how many days you spend on a particular step in the process, only that you learn to release and move on within a set timeframe--15 days works for me.

 

Days 1-3: Release

What to Do: Deal with the emotional side of disappointment and anger. Cry. Sleep in a fetal position for 12 hours straight. Watch sports or movies all day in your sweats or jammies. Eat your favorite food (yes, chocolate can be considered a meal). Use cuss words that you never (or rarely) use, just don't direct them at your local cafe barista. 

What not to Do: Go on Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn to voice or vent your anger. Try not to make a public display of your emotions. If you are a public figure, it may be difficult to not call a press conference to voice your side of the story. But try. We're only talking three days.

 

Days 4-5: Celebrate

List all the great things that you've contributed to something bigger than yourself; invite folks to share how you've transformed them, their relationships (supporting their dog through obedience training does count), their environment at work, or even their business or organization. 

Invite people to be creative in sharing their appreciation with you. Their thanks might come via email, video, audio, a blog post, a poem or a handwritten letter.

You might consider throwing a small, dinner party or a bigger, informal gathering where someone other than yourself cooks for the group.

 

Day 6: Pamper

Get the full 9-yards--whatever makes you feel and look good. A new haircut, 90-minute massage, facial, pedicure and manicure, a new shirt or blouse that makes your "eyes pop". Spend a half day at your favorite cafe reading a new book, breaking in your new Kindle, iPad, Nook or other electronic toy.

 

Days 7-10: Assess, Discover and Learn

You're now ready to take a step back and see the bigger picture of what worked, didn't work, and what you will do differently in future. Here are a few questions to get you started.

• What top 3 things--the heavy hitters--impacted the outcome?
• What could you have controlled but chose not to?
• Who could you have influenced but didn't?
• What risks did you not take that might have changed the outcome?
• What risks did you take that never felt right to you, i.e., forced?
• Did you ask for help too late or not enough times along the way?
• What were your missed opportunities along the way?
• What advice did you wrongly heed?
• What advice did you fail to heed but will in future?
• What heavy hitters were identified during your team's debrief?

 

Days 11-14: Refine Your Approach, Reinvent, and Rebrand

This is when you pull together what you've learned and refine your approach for future. You might want to consider tapping the expertise of mentors and coaches or an advisory board who will provide you with their perspectives.

This is when you decide whether it's time to reinvent and rebrand yourself within the next 3 or 6 months. Your decision will be driven by the outcomes of your self-assessment with that of your team and support network.

 

Day 15: Closure

Congratulations--you've reached the point of letting go of the past and moving towards your future. 

Make it a great one in 2012!

Chemistry of Change: Releasing Emotional Energy to Move Forward

“The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain.”  Daniel Goleman

Leading and influencing others to change begins with understanding our own emotional energy. It's also about learning when and how to get out of our own way.

When I worked for Intel years ago there was a core course required of all employees called Constructive Confrontation. To the outsider it sounded more destructive of relationships than constructive and, in fact, it would take me years to understand how this didactic training actually worked. (I even delivered a customized version of this course to our strategic suppliers in an effort to help them understand the nature of the company and our culture. It worked.)

Conflict as Balance

I remember the first time someone set-up a "constructive confrontation" meeting with me. Yes, I had gone through the training, but now I was being asked to apply what I learned. I felt as if the playground bully had "called me out" and that if I didn't show up to do battle everyone would think I was spineless. Still fairly new to the company at the time, I already knew that being seen as a woose would not bode well for me.

I asked my manager for some insider tips, but since she was also new to the company it was like the blind leading the blind. So, I decided to show up to get my whooping, experience the process, and (hopefully) learn from it.

It was one of the best workplace experiences of my life. Really.

Key to Success: Show Up Like You Mean It

Much of life's success is just showing up--making choices about how you plan to prioritize the 24 hours you have now. No matter what title someone carries or how much money they earn (or not earn), no one has more than 24 hours.

Easy enough.

But showing up like you mean it sends a different message to people. It tells people that you made a conscious decision to be there, whether you're spending time with a loved one, attending an event, or participating in a meeting. It's about fully engaging all parts of yourself.

The critical difference is the type of energy that you bring to the table when you show up like you mean it. It clearly differentiates you from those who just show up.

With all the focus on personal branding these days, why not consider shifting your energy to a level that says I'm here because I choose to and I expect powerful things to happen. 

In the last three weeks I've been reminded of this four different times, so I figured it was time to share:

1) I helped a neighbor's teenage son toss around ideas for a speech assignment he had to complete--telling his "story" in five minutes using PowerPoint slides. We came up with a theme centered around his passion for building homes one day.

"Whatever you do," I advised him, "give it your best shot. You never know who might be in the audience."

He dropped by this past weekend to let me know that his class and the teacher really enjoyed his story. As it turns out, another teacher dropped in to hear the presentations and happened to catch his. He had a strained relationship with this teacher, but after hearing his story she thanked him for "Letting me get to know you.

2) As a guest of Steve Yamaguma, I attended an evening gathering and pot luck dinner with Silicon Valley's Engage Her members. Steve's company Design2Market has been instrumental in supporting the non-profit's efforts; however, I almost skipped the meeting because I was feeling drained from the day and still hadn't prepared a dish to bring with me. Instead, I took a 20-minute nap and picked something up from the deli.

The energy of twenty-six women and men who showed up like they meant it was amazing. I had spirited conversations with dynamic, creative women on health care, motherhood, art, social media, and politics. A common theme of those participating that night had to do with reinventing themselves--personally and professionally.

I've been invited to facilitate a discussion on reinventing yourself during the group's next gathering in September.

You never know who might show up.

3) I attended a book publishing workshop in San Francisco and was pumped to spend two days learning something new. I walked in expecting great things to happen. Now, this is an example of when things can move in a direction that we don't expect or even hope for, but that can still hide a gem in the rough.

The event took a downturn for me after lunch on the first day, but not before a woman who had been sitting in the crowded front rows came and sat next to me in the back. As it turns out, Nettie Hartsock and I have quite a bit in common and are already planning next steps for how we can help one another in business.

You never know who's in the audience.

4) In May of this year I moderated a panel Innovation and Tech Career Reinvention for the 2nd Annual TeleSummit for Women in Technology. Note: Check out all the great panels and listen to the podcasts.) The preparation and lead up to the event was intense, including content development and practice drills with my high-powered panel (Sheryl Chamberlain, EMC; Christine Adzich, Big Picture Productions; Nance Wheeler, Intel; and Megan Fitzgerald, Career By Choice).

Fully committing wasn't just about me. It was about representing my panel in the best light possible and ensuring that participants got what they paid for, particularly those who were expecting great things to happen. 

Allyson Kapin, Partner, Rad Campaign and Founder of Women Who Tech posted a request on Twitter for someone who had majored in Journalism. As it turns out I did. Allyson asked if I would contribute to her Fast Company article on ethics in the blogging world. Check out Allyson's article Twitter's Stolen Documents Raises Ethics Questions (and my comments).

Showing up like you mean it often builds momentum.

Think about this the next time you decide to show up--raise the bar for yourself and show up like you mean it!

Negotiating through Emotions - Diplomacy Isn't Just for Diplomats

Diplomats have a number of characteristics in common. They understand the nuances between people and cultures and environments and tailor their message accordingly. 

You need similar workplace skills maneuvering your way diplomatically through the political spectrum of today's organizations, which often means having the ability to negotiate through emotions.   

Managing tensions during the normal ebb and flow of exploring and vetting creative, entrepreneurial ideas, and then deciding which ones receive funding can surface different emotions in people ranging from feelings of rejection to one of favoritism, and even how someone views their value in the workplace.

If you're not skilled in the art of political diplomacy, or collaborating with someone who is, your entrepreneurial ideas may get squashed before ever seeing the light of day. Sadly, it's not always about the best ideas put forward, but often the best ideas put forward by the most politically savvy within the corporate arena.

Negotiating Win-Win Emotions

Risktaking Isn't an Age, It's an Attitude

Another birthday is fast approaching for me, a time of the year when I slow my pace (a bit), take stock, and make plans for the future.

So, perhaps, it’s not ironic that in the past few weeks a number of conversations have turned towards the topic of age and risktaking. Two business professionals from opposite sides of the spectrum shared their rather interesting perspective with me.

One believed herself too inexperienced to take risks—“Who’s going to trust a twenty-two-year-old risktaker?” while one felt too much life experience limited his ability to learn new ways of taking risks, “I’ll wait until I retire from the corporate rat race—then I’ll pursue the opportunities I want in my own business.” 

Before sharing my story of Linnea with them, I suggested some launch tips for risktakers of any age:

Build Your Credibility

• Develop rapport-building skills
• Flex your communication style
• Learn the art of influence

Understand the Culture of Risk

• Identify the opportunities and risk
• Explore your company’s cultural environment

Resiliency: Overcoming Your Own Odds

I have to admit, I’m an Olympics junky. It’s the stuff of great drama that gets me hooked. I love the personal stories of athletes testing their mettle. 

It’s the time when individuals are expected to take professional risks; to push their personal envelope, so to speak. No one tunes in to see athletes performing as if they were practicing back home.

Getting slammed can make anyone fearful of trying again. It’s the old saying about getting back into the saddle after a horse throws you. You don’t want to walk away feeling nervous about the experience; fear has a way of settling into your bones like a bad case of arthritis.

Setbacks teach us about ourselves and our willingness to try something different. Success can make us lazy, too comfortable 'in our groove'. Before long we find ourselves skiing the same path and working the same mogul, not willing to step outside what has now become our new comfort zone.

Setbacks are Resilient Teachers