Win-Win Negotiations: Only for Wimps and Losers?

I recently participated in a discussion at a women's networking event about how guys always seem to play hardball during negotiations.

One of the women asked if striving for a win-win outcome could be perceived as a sign of weakness?"

The assumption was that women have a tendency to leave money on the table during negotiations because we're taught to "play nice" and want only to be liked.

No one considered that, perhaps, these women hadn't yet differentiated between "playing nice" and building / managing effective business relationships. They hadn't "learned the ropes", so to speak, of being tough and fair and likable.  

Along the same lines of the hardball theory are the "bad ass" types who aren't really effective negotiators, as much as they're hiding behind an aggressive communication style. (Ironically, aggression in either gender is the easiest behavior to leverage during negotiations because they're wearing emotions on their sleeves.)

Do Your Fieldwork (Age-Old Rule)

I know, no one enjoys homework. But this is where playing hardball comes in and where you can stand out and differentiate yourself during negotiations. Company professionals, small business owners, and micropreneurs tend to leave money, crown jewels, and long-range potential on the table during negotiations because they get L-A-Z-Y.

In fact, it's harder to prepare for a win-win outcome than it is to walk in with the attitude of slapping the other party around to get your way (500 lb gorilla). You can be tough and play fair and still get more of what you need (and want) in the bargain.

1. You come prepared knowing your primary needs/wants.
2. You feel comfortable knowing what your counterpart will ask for during the unfolding scenario.
3. You create nuggets of information gold; needs/wants combos that when taken together result in something more powerful than what you could accomplish on your own (Optional, but nice to have).
4. Your preparation allows you to remain open to developing combinations during negotiations. 

Even in the case of someone coming in with the intention of knocking you off the seesaw, you can come in prepared with enough information about their strengths, primary needs and wants and still aim for a win-win.

But never feel that walking away from a bad deal is a wimpy move. It's a smart move. Even in tough economic times, do you really want to do business with someone or work for a company that uses strong arm tactics to get (only) their way?

Of course, you won't know what a bad deal looks like if you haven't done your due diligence in the first place.

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